Friday, April 1, 2011

The Tragic End of Lil' Mini Marshmallow: A Cautionary Tale Retold for No Good Reason

Mama Marshmallow and Lil' Mini Marshmallow went to the city.

"What do you think of the big city Lil' Mini Marshmallow?" Mama asked.
"Lil' Mini Marshmallow?" She repeated, looking down lovingly. 

Lil' Mini Marshmallow couldn't answer while she stared up.

"Ugh, what trashy billboards!" Mama said disgusted as she hauled Lil' Mini Marshmallow away. 

As Mama pulled Lil' Mini Marshmallow away, Lil' Mini discovered her greatest goal in life.

"Mama," she said beaming, "someday Im'a look just like that super-celery-model!"
"Not with your genetics you won't," said Mama under her breath. 

"What Mama?" asked Lil' Mini.

Mama pushed up her sleeve and squatted down so Lil' Mini could see.

  "When I was little everyone thought tanning was a good idea so I tried it too. I put the oven on broil and stuck my arm in to make it nice and tan, and look what the oven did to me. Now I have this horrible tan growth. Let that be an example for you Lil' Mini, only be what you're meant to be." Mama flexed her burnt arm for emphasis.

"The oven makes you grow..." whispered Lil' Mini to herself. 

The next night Mama marshmallow introduced Lil' Mini to her current boyfriend Mr. Peep.

"Don't watch too much TV tonight while we're out ok sweetie?" Mama kissed Lil' Mini goodnight, "We'll be back late, and I expect to find you fast asleep."

As soon as Mama Marshmallow and Mr. Peep left the apartment complex Lil' Mini fired up the oven.

Lil' Mini tied red string around the oven handle and waited for the oven to pre-heat.

"Im'a look so pretty!" She squealed as she jumped in and pulled the oven door shut behind her.

Mama Marshmallow and Mr. Peep found Lil' Mini later that night.

This is how celery models make perfectly normal marshmallows do crazy stupid things.

The end.

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