Sunday, April 10, 2011

A Five Pound Sack of Onions

I shop at bulk stores, not because I have fifteen kids, yet, but because it’s safer than regular grocery stores or boutique shopping.

“Wait a sec.” You say skeptically, “I thought you said you hate shopping.”

Correct, I hate shopping with, and around, indecisive people. Bulk and wholesale stores are generally safer because people are too busy scurrying around like ants with overfilled carts. Unfortunately though you are never entirely protected from indecisive shoppers.

They stand around like zombies comparing two items, both of which would serve their needs adequately.

They suck you into their vortex if you’re say, attempting to grab a five pound sack of onions from one of the bins next to the potatoes that they’ve been meditating about for the past 30 minutes.

 Me, “Gah, sorry. Could you, uh, hand me some onions while you levitate over the potatoes?”

Zombie shopper, “Idaho…” inexplicable dramatic pause, “…or Washington?”

Me, “Onions. Uhhhhhhn yuuuuuuuuuns. Right next to you.”

Once they start asking questions you’re obligated to help them make a decision, any decision, but they don’t want to make a decision. They’re actually conversation spiders that trap you into talking with them; they tie you up in their own insecurities, and suck you dry until you’re left empty and soulless.

Me, “Ahem, eh-excuse me, I just need to reach behind you.”

Spider zombie shopper, “Oh, I’m sorry to bother you. Maybe you could help?!”

Me mid-onion-sack-grab, “Ummmm, maybe.”

Spider zombie shopper, “Wonderful! It’s just that I’m torn between choosing the red potatoes from Washington or the wholesale potatoes from Idaho. Which do you think is a better deal?”

Me, “Ummm, well the Idaho wholesale spuds are cheaper per pound.”

Spider zombie shopper, “Ooooooooh, good point, but I heard that the skins on red potatoes contain more vitamins and minerals. Have you heard that before?”

Me, “I don’t know if one is more nutritious than the other, but I do know you have to watch out for pesticides in the skin. I usually buy organic potatoes to avoid eating any chemicals designed to kill other living organisms.”

Spider zombie shopper, “Organic! Oh no, no, no!” Shakes its fuzzy spider head, and continues, “I can’t afford organic! I’ve got 880 kids to feed! Ha ha!”

Me, “Farmer’s markets sell some really reasonably priced organic vegetables plus you support local families and small business in your communit...You have 880 children?! How is that possible?!”

Spider zombie shopper beams, “Oh everyday is a new adventure with a family like mine.”

Me, “You might as well get both bags of potatoes if you’ve got that many hungry face-holes to feed.”

Spider zombie shopper, “Oh, they don’t eat potatoes sweetie.”

Me, “So what do they eat?! Wait, why am I here? What was I going to buy? Who-huh?”

 “Ok,” you remark offhandedly, “but it sounds like you’re just being antisocial.”

Nope. I’m decisive, and impatient, which probably makes me slightly antisocial, I’ll give you that, but only with indecisive zombie-spider-people.

You continue to look on skeptically saying, “All right smarty pants, what were you going to do with a five pound sack of onions anyways?”

Cream cheese and green chili chicken enchiladas and I have a very special relationship. I’m not one to kiss and tell, but here’s the gist:

1 chopped onion
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 minced garlic clove
1 tsp. ground cumin
8 oz. cream cheese
6 c. shredded, cooked chicken (2 lbs.)
8 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded
1 can green chiles (4.5 oz) or 1 fresh roasted green chile
10 flour tortillas (all the better if you can make them fresh yourself)
2 cans (14 oz.)  green chili sauce (or red enchilada sauce if that’s what you prefer)

Preheat your oven to 350 °F, and lightly coat an 11"X7” baking pan with your choice of green chili or red enchilada sauce.

Combine onion, oil, garlic, and cumin in a large sauce pan, sautéing until the onions are translucent. Add cream cheese in small bits and gradually melt it into your spices mixing well. Add chicken, ½ of the cheddar cheese, and 1/2c of whichever sauce you chose (green chile or red).

Spoon 1/3c of the chicken cheesy goodness into a tortilla, wrap, and place seam-side down into your pan. Repeat this process until the pan is full.

Use the rest of your green chili or red enchilada sauce to cover all of your enchiladas. Sprinkle the remaining cheddar cheese on top, and place the pan in the oven.

Bake for 20-25 min or until the cheese is melted and golden brown.

Yields: 8-10 servings

Suggested serving with: shredded lettuce, sliced fresh tomatoes, and avocado quarters (that is, if you can ever get away from spider zombie shoppers).

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