Do you ever wake up at 2:30am in a foreign country, and decide to search American websites to see if they do, or do not, work in said country?
Dear Pandora Visitor,
We are deeply, deeply sorry to say that due to licensing constraints, we can no longer allow access to Pandora for listeners located outside of the U.S. We will continue to work diligently to realize the vision of a truly global Pandora, but for the time being we are required to restrict its use. We are very sad to have to do this, but there is no other alternative.
We believe that you are in United Kingdom. If you believe we have made a mistake, we apologize and ask that you please contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are a paid subscriber, please contact us at email@example.com and we will issue a pro-rated refund to the credit card you used to sign up. If you have been using Pandora, we will keep a record of your existing stations and bookmarked artists and songs, so that when we are able to launch in your country, they will be waiting for you.
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We share your disappointment and greatly appreciate your understanding.
P.S. For more information, please see our Frequently Asked Questions on the topic.
You’re not autistic you say?
Well that’s not really an answer to my question so you may be autistic, but it’s ok because autism is rising on the cool diseases to have “list”. Cancer is still probably the most trendy/terrible thing to have, but at least you don’t have renal failure. If you do have renal failure I’m really, really, sorry.
Think about using autism to your benefit though. It sucks that you probably have it, but it does have potential if you’re trying to hit on some one/get them to sleep with you.
*at the hotel bar, 2:45-ish, am*
You see a very attractive person, of whatever gender/description that you’re attracted to, leaning casually at the bar doing something alluring. Clearly this is your soul/one night stand mate.
You approach them with this gem of a line, “Hey, *pause to look deep into their eyes*, I’m probably a tortured autistic savant/genius that can (a. remember the weather and calculate obscure mathematical figures everyday since that freak basketball accident, (b. sculpt 3D figures of any 2D picture that I see in under ten minutes, take that portrait of Stalin over there I’ll make a bust of his head in no time, (c. communicate with and intuitively understand cows/barn animals.”
In that single come-on you have an unusual emotional appeal to a variety of types of people. Don’t be surprised if you get a date with: the person that tries to fix other people, the savant/genius groupie, an advertiser/business person that thinks they can probably exploit you while justifying it to themselves, an advertiser/business person that doesn’t initially intend to exploit you but will do so inadvertently culminating in an emotional public apology and the tearful decision to choose you over big business, a weather lady and/or man, a communist, a cow.
In other news, I’ve been eating lots of arugula since I got here. They don’t call it arugula in the UK though, instead it’s *jazz hands* “rocket”. Every time I eat rocket I like to pretend that I’m actually a robot capable of destroying closely guarded military weapons, and finally bringing peace to the world.
Why am I sharing this?
Mainly because I can’t sleep, but also to encourage the consumption of rocket/arugula and inevitable rise of the robot people.
As a side note, some of you may take offense that I poke fun at things like cancer, renal failure, and the ability to talk to cows. Please know that I understand that these are all very serious problems, but I have a slightly morbid sense of humor. Exhibit (a. I firmly believe that if you can't joke about life you're going to die, but if you can joke about life you might die happy.